Category: Movies

It has always been a fan’s dream to get their favorite games as a live-action movie. However, not quite all games will make a decent film. Take the Super Mario Bros. for example, which was made in 1993 and made a net profit of a whopping $27 million. While the Mario Bros. as a game series is one of the oldest ongoing smash hits, the movie was far from the success it had as a game. This list contains five games that, if they were produced into a live-movie, would fall just as hard or harder than poor old Mario did.

Sonic the Hedgehog

Sega’s version of Mario, Sonic has not only had his own game series but several cartoon series also. However, if brought to the big screen, Sonic the Hedgehog would not enjoy any of his fame or glory brought about by his relatively large success. With a movie almost exclusively about anthropomorphic animals that can run far above Mach 1 and the fact that combat involves turning into spinning ball of death special effects and costumes would either be shoddy work or the entirety of the movie would barely relate to any existing canon, perhaps going far from it.

 

Portal

Sorry Portal fans, but Valve’s bestseller game just wouldn’t make a decent movie. It’s not that Portal isn’t a great game, it is, but to watch Chell (the protagonist) complete several series of puzzles and challenges by strategically placing blue and orange portals all while GLaDOS commentates and interjects the stark silence with random tidbits of sarcasm and humor would make for a poor story. All in all, it would very quickly become a very tedious movie.

Pikmin

Think about it, a chubby microscopic man running about with a hundred carrot people isn’t going to be easily done, and the repeated theme of fighting large creatures for parts to your wrecked ship is boring at best when you are just sitting and watching. Pikmin has very little story to it and almost no dialog. Plus, who would want to hear Captain Olimar’s whistle every few seconds or so? It would give all watchers a massive headache.

 

Pokemon

Really, Pokemon itself isn’t a bad idea, but to convert it to a live-action film is. The cute and cuddly creatures such as Pikachu wouldn’t turn out to be too pretty after going through a realistic design. Plus, most of the story would be revolving around battles between Pokemon. Perhaps something based off of Pokemon would be kind of cool, but Pokemon itself wouldn’t translate too well into a realistic setting. Out of the top five video games, the popularity to Buy pokemon go accounts is mushrooming in the economy. The craze of video games is increasing the subscription of the go accounts for the manufacturers.

The Sims

Although it would be easy to imitate a game that is supposed to mirror real life, it wouldn’t be interesting. To watch some random family wander about, get a job, have kids, etc. would be absolutely boring. There is no storyline to the Sims, so a movie would be near impossible. If you inserted a story into the movie it would no longer be a movie on the Sims, thus the Sims is probably the worst game to make a movie of.

Movies coming to the big screen this fall are mostly predictable in terms of success. If you are a big time movie buff, then you would have seen most of them at il genio dello streaming. Big wig movie companies are desperately trying to recover from a less than favorable summer line-up of half-ass comedies and less-than-stellar movie remakes. Fall will come with a bunch of “straight to video” flicks built around “copycat plots” in Hollywood’s vain attempt to duplicate the success that was once lost, yet there are always the movies of the season that catch one’s interest.

A movie with a “copycat plot” previously mentioned is a picture that a movie-goer can easily pass by on an outing, sit down and predict the ending and all if it’s characters or compare to a movie in it’s likeness.This Fall we have the comedy copycats who have taken the off-beat success of it’s predecessors Napoleon Dynamite and The Office and generated relatable counterparts where the goofy, nerdy character finds himself, gets the girl and ends in an unrealistic happily ever after. Employee of the Month has the hot chick singer-turned-actress Jessica Simpson pared with Dax Shephard’s less-than-threatening character while in School for Scoundrels, Napoleon himself Jon Heder is pared with straight-faced Billy Bob Thornton in the competition for the affections of Jacinda Barrett who also stars in Fall’s The Notebook knock off The Last Kiss with oddball actor Zach Braff. Following along the counterfeit design comes The Rock with his traditional seasonal disaster Gridiron Gang, taking the hope, determination and good, wholesome family triumph of The Longest Yard with smaller players and Xzibit tagging along.

Next are the “Why Did They Even Bother?” movies where avid movie buffs can only sit back and shake their heads and raise their lips in sheer disdain. Although there aren’t near as many as there have been this season, bringing back not-so-successful remakes by simply slapping a “2” on the end, like The Grudge 2 from The Grudge, in order to solidify success is just plain lazy. Kutcher is back in The Guardian, with Kevin Costner, desperately trying to prove himself as a serious actor with another boring movie about absolutely nothing and water, Costner’s handicap. And last but not least, is a powder-faced Kirsten Dunst playing a teenage Marie Antoinette, Hollywood’s Fall attempt at biographical pictures, going through what else, but what all teenage characters that the ever-so-young Dunst is primed to portray: high school.

Lastly are my personal picks for a movie I would actually pay eight bucks to sit in a dark room full of strangers watch and maybe even enjoy. I can honestly say that I am “the horror type:” show me a good murder with an honestly good plot and I’ll clap my hands and giggle like a schoolgirl. Saw was that good horror movie for me since, I believe, The Exoricist. The murders, the characters, the villain, the motive and best of all, the fact that they never found the true killer before he died in the sequel makes Saw III, the third chapter in the trilogy, all the more exciting. There are certain rules to bringing back the past in a murder drama, but I have my own expectations for The Black Dahlia. Although one could argue that is a bunch of today’s young hotties trying their best to portray times and events they’ve never lived through, another could argue that that is the definition of acting. Now, I’m not so much the action type, but I am looking forward to Jet Li’s Fearless and hope it to be one of Li’s amazing martial arts masterpieces that everyone will be able to aesthetically admire instead of fully understand through subtitles or that insignificant thing called a plot.

HOUSE, a wonderfully spooky thriller starring William Katt, is the story of a Vietnam vet who comes back to the House where his only son disappeared only to find he is facing not only his grief there but demons from his past as well. After the death of his aunt, Cobb finds he has inherited the very house where his son disappeared and though he initially decides to sell, he finds himself irresistibly drawn to the house and all the memories attached within.
Cobb, a successful writer of war based novels, takes the viewer through his memories of Viet Nam and brings to life, through his writing and the movie as well, what is haunting not only his memories of that time long ago in his life but perhaps his world as well. Somewhere along the line, reality blurs with the past and Cobb is taken on a journey in which the viewer cannot discern between the reality within the house and his subconscious and ultimately where they mege within the movie.

Thrillers and murder mysteries are such genres that are enjoyed by movie lovers of all generations as there is nothing better than a spooky, who-done-it flick to send the shivers down your spine and House is just the one that you’re looking for if you are a sucker for thrilling adventures in films, with cyberflix apk catering to the whims of its viewers who are indignant that this film is not available on the site and threatening to unsubscribe it if their demands are not met.

 

With George Wendt, best known as Norm from ‘Cheers’ as his every present neighbor and companion in his quest for the truth behind the eerie happenings in the house, the viewer is easily drawn into the humorous relationship between the two men.

With a house that boasts not only doors which lead to other dimensions, a loosening grasp on reality to the point where Cobb shoots and kills what he thinks is a monster mascarading as his wife, the viewer is pulled into the absurdity of this house and all the secrets within. Woven within the oddness of this movie is Cobb’s buddy from Nam, Richard Moll, who presents a gruesome and freaky addition to Cobb’s nightmareish existence within the house.

Not your average horror flick, or even a movie on the scale of Halloween or even Scream. This is one of those movies that will have you jumping out of your seat one minute and laughing uproariously the next, with the antics of those within. Deliciously campy, this is a movie that is well worth purchasing for the amusement factor alone, not to mention the fact that this movie is one that begs to be watched time and time again.

 

I’d strongly recommend HOUSE for viewers of ages 12 and over only, as some scenes are a bit on the intense and violent side for younger viewers and might be “nightmare makers” in their gruesome depiction. That said, it is an enjoyable movie and one that would be perfect for teen parties or sleepovers.

Check HOUSE out and see for yourself and see what I mean when I say ‘once is never enough’ when it comes to this cult classic! Found at many video stores or easily ordered online at Amazon.com. this is one of those movies you’ll want to own and watch time and time again! Enjoy! And if you are so inclined to continue the story, check out HOUSE II too. It is a loosely connected sequel and great in it’s own way, odd and definitely entertaining!

Just as many who venture out to Hollywood for fame and fortune to this day, Edward D. Wood Jr. had similar aspirations. Wood idolized classic horror film actor Bela Lugosi and director/actor Orson Welles. Attempting to achieve his own stardom as a director, he fell short and became consumed by alcoholism, dying at 54 in 1978.

Until the release of Tim Burton’s film, Ed Wood, in 1994 Wood’s films barely qualified for cult film status. But after the film’s release in theaters, titles such as Glen or Glenda (1953), Bride of the Monster (1955) and Plan 9 from Outer Space, (1959) started to come in demand. People wanted to know just how bad the “worst director of all time” really was.

While Burton elected only to allude to Wood’s ’60s and ’70s ventures into the world of low-brow cinema and all-out smut. The more modern re-releases of such films as Orgy of the Dead (1965) and Pretty Models All in A Row (1969) on DVD gives those curious enough to watch a glimpse into Wood’s inner psyche – a psyche best represented in the recently released Necromania by Fleshbot Films.

Long claimed to be one of Wood’s “lost” smut films and only available in multi-generational bootlegs in its soft-core version, Fleshbot released Necromania (1971) on DVD with both its hardcore (Hot! Hot! Hot!) and soft-core (Hot!) versions intact.

While his soft-core flicks that he wrote and co-directed with A.C. Stephen (Stephen Apostolof) were more prominent and have become easier to find (Fugitive Girls, Snow Bunnies and Class Reunion), Necromania seemed to be lost forever until prints of the film were discovered in an old warehouse.

While the majority of sex in Wood’s directed movies and the ones he did with Stephen were simulated, there’s no mistaking that the sex seen in Necromania is the real deal. While other films even leading up to the mid-’70s had sex scenes spliced in after production to increase their peepshow life, Wood pulled no punches and dared to demonstrate humans in their most carnal state of mind even though other directors, such as his contemporary A.C. Stephen, were very cautious of sexual depictions in their films.

Necromania is the story of Danny and Shirley who go to see the mysterious sex therapist Madame Heles because their sex life is stuck in the proverbial rut. Supposedly Maila Nurmi, the actress who portrayed Vampira and starred in Plan 9, was originally asked to play the part of Madame Heles, but declined because she felt it would be detrimental to her already floundering career. This from the woman who appeared in a film called Sex Kittens Go to College(1960).

Even the cast declined to be credited in the film. However, future ’70s hardcore porn actress Rene Bond (pre-breast implants) is prominent throughout the film portraying Shirley, and Bond’s longtime boyfriend Ric Lutze appears as Danny. Bond also starred in several collaborations between Stephen and Wood, making her a Wood favorite.

Two camera operators had to be hired, as one refused to film any of the hardcore shots, and even Wood opted to use the pseudonym Don Miller in the opening credits under primewire whose requirements is to shoot a fantastic sequence of the movie.

From the very beginning, the viewer is faced with the mystery of Who exactly is Madame Heles? We get an idea from the painted skulls, stuffed timber wolf and inverted cross hanging over a well-polished casket.

But her lingerie-clad minion only replies to the inquisitive couple that all shall be revealed at midnight. And so the rest of the film tends to follow typical porn flick fare in that each person involved somehow manages to end up with their clothes off and have sex with someone else introduced in the film.

Wood explores concepts of lesbianism, oral stimulation, partner swapping and even orgies, which are all themes on par with ’70s porn, yet Wood goes on to do something fans of his “work” claim is one of his most redeeming qualities. Wood includes a lesson of morality interwoven into one of the scenes. Since Danny is at the retreat to see Heles for shortcomings of his own, Heles’ minion brings forth the proposition that being adequate is all in the eye of the beholder and that some things happen for a reason.

Subtext and dialogue are things Wood has always been known for throughout his more serious sci-fi works, and his sense of humor is something that carried over into his other works of smut.

In Necromania Wood is given the luxury, if even for the first time, of having actors and actresses who seemingly have some grasp on the concept of acting. Even though dialogue is sparse, “Necromania” doesn’t have the structure of a typical ’70s porn flick.

The film isn’t entirely structured around each sex scene, but more so each scene seems to be a step to the final level of sexual experience the film has to offer. In this way, the viewer can’t help but keep watching to see what happens next, which is another factor Wood’s films possessed: Either to keep watching to see how bad it could possibly get, or to see how it all ends up.

While some of the close-ups and pans are a little shaky in the establishing shots, there’s still something about this movie that saves it from the garbage can. Perhaps it’s the cheesiness of the early ’70s décor, the classic hairstyles or the fact that people still had hair “down there” that adds a great deal of charm to this lost disasterpiece.

For those with a taste for cheesy ’70s porn, this is a worthwhile venture, or perhaps even for the tried and true Wood fan who is over the age of 18.

For others there will be no wonder as to why Wood died poor and lacking the recognition he may or may not have deserved had he been born much earlier or much later than he had been.

As a testimony to the man, we are left with his child-like wonder at the universe in his early sci-fi features. Yet we are also left with his very adult-like fascination with the occult and the sensuous female form in the dark introspective journey known as Necromania.